Word of the day - PHILOPHOBIA
Meaning - fear of falling in love
______
I stopped.
Everytime I knew,
that I could wind up
on this path
I halted my footsteps.
Everytime I turned my back,
on the person infront of me
because I was too scared
to love him back.
Even if I saw
life blooming in his eyes,
if I felt
happiness emanating from him,
I still went away
because I was too afraid
to give this a shot,
afraid
of what will happen if that doesn’t work.
My optimism failed at that time
because negative thoughts filled my head
when it came to
imagining myself
in the arms of another.
I always pictured myself
sitting between a group of friends,
single and alone.
And I used to be happy,
but since the day I saw him
and I met him and I talked to him,
I realise I don’t want to be happy like this.
I want him to be the one,
to hold me when I cry myself out at night.
I want him to be the one,
to laugh at my lame jokes.
I want him to be the one,
to look up at him and say “I am not afraid”
And that’s what I did.
I gave him a chance.
But yesterday,
he left me,
for another woman.
He said, and I quote
“I never loved you”
and no, my heart didn’t break into pieces.
I didn’t shed tears, my eyes were dry to the core.
My soul didn’t die.
What died was my hope.
And now I wasn’t terrified of that road
I just hated that road.
So if another man comes crawling to me now,
to give me a chance,
sorry, but not sorry
I don’t have the will
to say “yes.”