It was a long time coming.

It did not happen over night.

I had just dyed a strand of my hair green
Gotten my second tattoo
I was muscular from all the boxing
I was used to doing a lot of walking
My heart was in an array of places
I remember the sock in my long hair
And how the shuttle called "Lady Liberty"
That no longer exists
Whisked me away sooner than I thought it would.

So I kissed and sobbed
My way to the airport
Made videos saying my goodbyes.

I remember arriving
My father meeting me
I moved in with a stranger
Best friends
We quickly became what I hoped to be
Best friends.

Time spun on, like it does
I found my way around
Scared to take the bus
I wasn't sure how large the city went on
Listening to music that felt so pure
Braiding my hair in a way I hadn't before
No one
And I mean no one
Knew who I was.

Starting over again for the second time.

My overalls were blue
I had a flower in my hair
I saw an old photo of us together
The first boy I loved when I moved here
I was so eager to fall into something big.

You later cheated on me
All your friends that I thought were my friends
They turned their back
I cried a lot that year
Into sandwiches
Into eggs and avocado
Into the scripts I would write.

I got more tattoos
I dyed my hair lots of other colorful colors
Submitting and submitting
Unsure of what I wanted
Or who I was
I just started showing up
Handing out business cards
Leading with that lemon sunshine state
You coined
And you coined well.

It took me some time
For the memories of us around a record player
Drinking Mezcal
Kissing into the night when maybe we shouldn't
Taking molly
Cart wheeling in long dresses
Touching my fingertips into who and what I hoped to be.

Sleeping on a mattress on the floor
For quite some time
Bought a desk
Got a new laptop
Later cut all my hair.

A transformation.
It was all a transformation

I likened myself to be so special
Because my journey felt so unique and pure
Though along the way it has been filled
With pain, heartbreak, a loss of hope in moments

But between all of the little blades
I've found indescribable moments of bliss
A recognition of self worth
Both inner and outer
The gusto to make whatever I want happen
The ability to easily captivate
And keep the company I deserve.

And it is still,
Just the beginning.