the time has come...
oh how dreadful
i leaned forward,
my heart beating rapidly,
but silently,
i gripped a paper,
a paper,
just a piece of paper,
that determined success or failure,
my worth,
and my life.

i gripped it so hard that
it crumpled at the edges
then,
i took a deep, deep breath,
let out a heavy sigh,
and slowly,
but desperately,
opened it.

i closed my eyes,
opened it again,
then squinted,
and with my shaking fingers,
i unveiled it,
praying to the gods that all was good,
praying that i have not disappointed,
praying that i have not failed,
but then,
for a split second,
i saw it,
and when i did,
i stared at it with remorse and complete loss,
my crippling fear came true,
suddenly,
i felt my stomach sink,
i felt sick,
i felt my body going numb,
my body heating up,
my cheeks burning,
my head throbbing,
and at that moment,
i wanted to cry,
i wanted to disappear,
i wanted to be consumed by darkness,
i wanted to be  
n o n e x i s t e n t.