I wonder if you knew what you were doing
did you know you were making my insides raw
emotionally
and physically

and did you think that your daughter
would be reading ****** abuse memoirs
obsessively

and cutting her arms until the scars
hurt worse than the wounds themselves
did you know I would do anything to be
noticed

by anyone but you
did you know you would cause me to have
to see you with company

and did you know that you would
cause me to cry
at any
small
thing

and did you think that your abuse
was the best present you could give me?

thank you for causing me to hate
happy birthday
and big crowds where small things can happen

small things
that would ruin me in 5 minutes
that aren't small at all
*and many more