the light is humming
on your fingertips, but
but i think my mind
is playing tricks again—

you are not here,
you do not love me.

last night, i watched
the ghost of you
carry bodies safe to shore.
you grunted and groaned,
your hands and ankles trembling.

i watched until dawn,
until you called out my name.

some days i cannot even
present myself to you.
some days i cannot even
be the one you love the most.

it was like last night all over again:
you call out for me,
the light in your eyes—
and i, in the dark,
knowing that if i listen closer,
i’ll only hear a mouthful of absence.

now as i stand here, by the shore—
the light on your fingertips,
my mind still playing tricks on me—
i know you’ve been gone elsewhere.

i know you’re not here,
i know you do not intend to stay.