Yesterday
I choked and cried as I brushed my teeth.
This morning I spat blood into the sink because I’d flossed my gums too hard
The taste made me nostalgic
As I scrubbed with disregard
For any pain or blood or damage
That my neurosis may just cause
I’d bathe in straight up acid
Just to put these thoughts on pause.
I washed my hands 147 times today
But bleached them only twice
My fingers are still burning
After that neurotic sacrifice
And I’d scour my wrists with steel wool
If it would only make me clean
Submerge my face in lava
And wash my hair with gasoline.
So I’ll write this down with hopefulness
As I sanitise my skin
That cleanliness will help me sleep
And feel less grimy from within.
I brushed my teeth until I bled today
Soaked my hands in hydrogen peroxide
Scrubbed my body with a Brillo pad
But I’m ******* never satisfied.
I still feel *****
I always feel *****.