If I think back to the day that I lost all control. I realize that what I did wasn’t healthy but I did it anyway. My anxiety was out of control. Medications after medications, didn’t change a thing. Nothing has & maybe nothing ever will. Except when I think back on that very moment when I picked up the blade and cut my wrist once again all that fear & pain suddenly went away. I haven’t harmed myself in over a year but holding in all that pain, I just had to do it. I’m Feeling like I’m going back to my old ways.
It helps at the very moment when I feel the blade cut my skin & then I go numb. Almost like nothing can get to me. Although the very next day something does affect me & I think I’ll have to go back home and pick up that blade once again to make all the pain go away.