If I think back to the day that I lost all control. I realize that what I did wasn’t healthy but I did it anyway. My anxiety was out of control. Medications after medications, didn’t change a thing. Nothing has & maybe nothing ever will. Except when I think back on that very moment when I picked up the blade and cut my wrist once again all that fear & pain suddenly went away. I haven’t harmed myself in over a year but holding in all that pain, I just had to do it. I’m Feeling like I’m going back to my old ways.
It helps at the very moment when I feel the blade cut my skin & then I go numb. Almost like nothing can get to me. Although the very next day something does affect me & I think I’ll have to go back home and pick up that blade once again to make all the pain go away.

Flowers bloom during spring
& so does love? But what exactly is love?
Is it a feeling? And emotion? No! It’s a chemical that your brain sends to your body trying to fool you and to trip you
Into thinking that you need someone
But let me set this straight
You show your true crown when it’s
Worn by you and you
Alone

It’s funny how a guy says
He misses you
But he never even was there
And now he’s saying this and that
But he never showed he cared
So now he sees you’re doing better
Then ever so now he wants to act
Like he’s your lover but in the past
He didn’t act like your lover or friend
He was just another ***
Who played you till the end

It’s funny how I
Think one day I’ll be
Able to the girl of your
Dreams
But then I come back to reality
Just to realize that’ll never
Happen to me
But in the mean time I’ll stare
At you looking so happily
But deep down I’m crying because
If the girl
I can’t be.

Not everything in life
is a smooth flight,
most times you have to fight
for who and what you believe in
and in the end it'll all pull
together again.

I sit here in complete silence
Nothing to see but green painted walls
The stories spreading around school
About how the green office is only for the
CRAZIES
I hear whispers but its nothing new
Every time I turn the corner is a whole
New false story i’ve never heard before
Funny how people just love to destroy others
Such an amazing world
Right? WRONG.
This is the last place i'd ever like to be
I know I’ve never been to hell
but it could just not possibly be
any worse than being here
This is just hell x10
So many false stories out there
In this cruel world that can and will
be the death of me, No these horrible
People will be the death of me
Funny how I'm told never to give up
But guess what IT ISN’T THAT EASY
When you've lost all your fight you'll understand
and you'll see everything just as i see
Poems at least help me express a few things
But trust me this isn't even the least
There is so much more to be said
But will i say it, No.
I remember when I was happy and very kind
But thats been stolen from me and I have no where
Else to turn besides my wrists
I understand it doesn’t sound so great but
I helps me take some of the pain away
Some pain taken away will each day will get me
though most of the pain I get loaded with each and everyday.

-Breanna J