I had always wanted to secure a place in your heart
Although you never gave me the keys,

I had always wanted to envision us together
Although you never handed me the camera,

I had always wanted to dream of you
Although you kept handing me the coffee ***,

I had always wanted to you hear what I had to say
Although you never turned on the stereo,

I had always wanted to see you again
Although you never left your apartment,

I had always wanted to know your favourite colour
Although you always wore black,

I had always wanted to be your future
Although you said you only lived in the present,

I had always wanted to stop
Although you had always given me the green light,

I had always wanted to impress you
Although you had never let me take the exam,

I had always wanted to live for myself
Although you continue to exist better than anyone else,

I had always wanted to die
Although you saved me for another day,

I had always wanted to live
Although you we’re constantly throwing the knives.

Paradise, 2018