I feel really empty;
Like my stomach is a bottomless pit-
Needing fulfillment of some sort
That cannot be found in this world

I want to swallow pills
Or drive into traffic
And get into bed with someone dangerous.
Maybe drown in a dark beautiful ocean
Find something that makes me feel

I want the pain to make me want to live
I want it to send a signal to my brain
To fight instead of struggle
To try harder than it already is

Something isnt working
And I am impatient.
I dont like sitting around waiting for maintenance and repair.
I want it to be black and white
Life or death
Make up your mind, brain.
I can’t handle teetering on the tightrope any longer.
No more back and fourth
No more waves of misery followed by happiness
I just want it to be this or that.
I want to want to be alive and be alive
Or be dead and be done