I have laid in this bed that I have made, for many years.
All I can think of now, is that
I want to get out of here.
Away from my demons and the experiences I have lived,
The people I have wronged and the ones I have loved.

Yet, I am ****** into my own sickening turmoil,
Not being able to escape.
Suffocating underneath my insecurities and my faults.

These thoughts race inside my brain,
Never relieving me of all the pain;
Of all the things I have ******* up in my life.

I am sinking,
Further and further,
Deep inside my nightmare.
Watching the world pass me as if I was a ghost that never crossed over.

I hug my pillows so tight,
Just to realize that I have been left alone
To be haunted by these dreams of past memories.
To witness the demise of my fate.
To feel cemented to this ground.

Never moving.
Always sinking.
Sinking into the muck that is my existence.

When will this noose loosen?
When will I be able to breathe once again?
When can I get my chance for the never ending happiness
That everyone around me has obtained?

Why must I be left behind
Waiting to catch the wrong ride?
To continue down this misadventurous path.
I wish to look back and laugh at my pathetic attempts of happiness.

Alas, I sink into my abyss that has grown quite familiar,
That has embraced my presence.
That longs for me.
And unfortunately, I greet it with open arms like an old pal.

I sink.
Hating all around me.
I sink.
Vomiting up my decency.
I sink.
Finding love in my monster.