i want to be happy
so much that i

push in everything so close
until it squeezes
my lungs
shut.

i pull out the sequins
ripping fabric away
until there is nothing left
but the frame of my heart
uncovered and untouched.

i push away fears
like bad memories
with temporary remedies
lost dreams in my sleep.

i want to be happy
so much that it’s
killing me.