Please be aware:

Everything I say similar to:

"i don't want to be myself, it's so hard, it hurts, too tired, just don't want to be in this moment and at all times"

is the strongest biggest loudest most intense and powerful
YES
to life I could shout out

Let me explain what those words expressed by my brain mean to my
heart:

I don't want to be the person any more that I am right now
It's so hard to stand everything this person represents
It hurts, everything she feels, too often and for too long
So I don't want to be in such moments of grief and pain and feeling dead inside never no more

Instead:

After years and years of waiting and persevering
I want
LIFE. to. get. finally. started.
I want a
Change
I want to learn how to be another person
The real me
Instead of a negativist-conducted marionette
I want to EXPERIENCE a lot
A lot a lot a lot a lot
There are so many beautiful things on earth
So I want to learn to open these tired eyes
I want to have a positive impact on
Other people

I want to BE
Free
and
Alive


(And I like one sentence which is written by Mary-Elizabeth Cotton: "before I die, I want to learn to live!")