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WordsOnly Mar 2018
Please be aware:

Everything I say similar to:

"i don't want to be myself, it's so hard, it hurts, too tired, just don't want to be in this moment and at all times"

is the strongest biggest loudest most intense and powerful
YES
to life I could shout out

Let me explain what those words expressed by my brain mean to my
heart:

I don't want to be the person any more that I am right now
It's so hard to stand everything this person represents
It hurts, everything she feels, too often and for too long
So I don't want to be in such moments of grief and pain and feeling dead inside never no more

Instead:

After years and years of waiting and persevering
I want
LIFE. to. get. finally. started.
I want a
Change
I want to learn how to be another person
The real me
Instead of a negativist-conducted marionette
I want to EXPERIENCE a lot
A lot a lot a lot a lot
There are so many beautiful things on earth
So I want to learn to open these tired eyes
I want to have a positive impact on
Other people

I want to BE
Free
and
Alive


(And I like one sentence which is written by Mary-Elizabeth Cotton: "before I die, I want to learn to live!")
WordsOnly Feb 2018
too
cold
in
here

too

*******




cold












.
WordsOnly Feb 2018
somehow dead
tired to death
tired of death
slightly different from tired of life
thankfully
sometimes, lack of sleep leads to strange thoughts and experiments of word composition
WordsOnly Feb 2018
at night
it's darker than
by day
because
the light
is
tired

and tired
so tired
is also the one
without light
because he has
lost
everything
it remains
emptinesssilencetirednessALONE

eyeache, therefore eyes closed, but headache persists, how else could one fill the emptiness, pain works well, it diffuses fast without effort, but pain is also empty

(without)

                                  (you)

eventu­ally
                   i have to accept it like this
leave it like this
                    and take it as it really is, so
give up
                 eventually
                                      maybe

Sleep
Wak­e up
Think
Too much pondering
Get broken
Sleep
Dream
Be intact again
Just to break again
Sleep
Wake up
Live
....?


everything is so
tough


so many times i promised you not to let you alone, so that i never realized that there was no answer and that you kept silent and that you never ever promised the same
no stop thinking like that, she promised even more without you listening, she is the last person to blame, she just wants to come back but how could this work

(i am)
not
here


tired
so so so so tired
but how shall one
sleep
with the most
beautiful
of all images
with the most
horrible
of all images
inside one's head
everywhere
just some.... weird thoughts....
not based on anything real
WordsOnly Feb 2018
Who are you?   - I was a cheerful child.
Who Are you?   - I will be myself.
Who ARE you?  - What would life be
                                 without mysteries?
WordsOnly Feb 2018
Morning: recommencement
                             of the same Mourning
WordsOnly Feb 2018
not able to search anymore
because i don't know where
and just what
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