the last time i kissed you,
you didn’t want to kiss me
but did anyway
i know what that’s like
it’s hard to say no
i’ve done that before
on many occasions
you were surprised
or muddled
but you did anyway
for longer than expected
and when i asked you for a hug
because i hadn’t had a hug
in weeks,
you pulled away before i was ready
to let go
and then felt bad and embraced me
again
it’s those things
i am terrified to admit to myself
they happened
in front of my face
but i deflected it
with manipulation