don’t question it

the sky is blanketed in gray
its days like these that i feel the emptiness
the black hole that has made its home in the pit of my stomach
I can feel it physically
like something is missing where my large intestines used to be
or maybe i feel it in my heart
my pulse is fast, but I feel slow
My friends tell me that I think too much
I’m too sensitive
i work too hard
are they right?
does it matter?
and now I’m questioning everything
what is beyond our life?
what is beyond my knowledge?
am I educated?
and does the limit exist?
and why does it ******* matter
why does a letter
on my report card
mean so much to me?
I find myself obsessed with percentages
A minus versus A
why does it matter?
why am i frustrated over homework
and as i stand in the shower
letting the water hit my back
I feel so…
blank.
so i pass my time with homework
with vine compilations on youtube
but i still feel the darkness
the emptiness
in the back of my head
as i lay on my side staring at the wall
blank
the voices in my head
is too loud
but I’m the only one who can hear it
“will you ever be good enough?”
“what is good enough?”
“what does your future hold?”
looking into my future is like looking over the ledge of a cliff
a plummet into darkness
just like the space in my head
so i don’t think
i don’t think other than the math equations
or the final projects
or the translation exercises
as long as the music in my ears are louder than the voices
i can convince myself this is what will fill the emptiness
at least I won’t have questions to ask