Your life sounds hard, difficult, sad, and I wonder, can you, do you, set limits with your family?
Not sure, itβs okay to set limits when you must always do the "right thing" even when, even when, it feels dishonest.
Be assured, your unnecessary shame is safe here because itβs inaccurate because you deserve a place, to tell your side of the things, you need someone with whom you can be honest, to share aloud how you were trained to do the "right thing" when not once, not once, did doing the "right thing" ever feel right.