I am always the one starting conversations

Always texting first.
Always making a effort.
Always last to know.
Always the one who isn't doing anything right.
Always the loser.

I want to not make such a huge effort, and let all of it come naturally.
But if I stopped trying so hard.
no one would reach out to me.
I would be left behind
In a corner,
Crying to myself.

So don't you dare say that I need to "chill"
Because you don't know ****