Sep 2012
I’m wondering which will go first. Will my lungs explode from the incapability of breathing? Or will my heart burst from the longing of something that isn’t there anymore? I’m not sure which will happen first, but, I know that both are inevitable. I went back to the place where you and I went for our 1st date today. It’s been nearly eight years now. I miss everything about you. The disease has become worse for me. The pain in my chest is excruciating. I feel as if no one understands the extent of pain that I’m going through.
Everything is slowly blurring from my mind. I hope that one day the sickness and lonely desertion will go away. I hope that time heals my wounds. But for now I hope that this day will end soon. I pray for a change. I wish you were here. I need you to make my pain go away. I wish you could caress me in your arms. I walked around the desolate town today. I only saw shadows of where you had been.
Suddenly, I am falling, although I’m not sure as to where I’m going. Things turn from color to black and white. And then, all at once, I feel a sharp pain in my ribs. I realize, then, that I am falling forward onto gray concrete. I scream out “Help” but all I hear are faint voices in the distance. I feel nothing. I see nothing. I hear nothing. Time has passed now, I feel as if I’m a ghost inside my own mind.
Then, out of no where, comes your hand. I know it is yours because your veins are distinct. You have one on the left side of your right hand that protrudes through your skin. Then, I see your eyes, bright & enchanting green with specks of brown in them. I can see the brown now because we’re in the sunlight. The sun gets bigger & the sky becomes bluer. You’re pulling me up from the concrete. I don’t know how or why this is happening. What I do know is that it feels like a dream. Maybe it is. I can’t be sure. But then I feel your hand intertwine with mine & you say “Are you okay, Margaret? I’ve missed you terribly.”
I know that this is all in my head. I know that I’m dead and that you are, as well. I’m happy that the pain is gone, though. I’m glad we’re together once more. I never thought that such a place was real. That the flowers are blooming and the trees are swaying in the gentle breeze. You have my hand and we are walking down this path. I don’t know where we’re going. I do know that it is so beautiful here. To be happy is to be in a place that brings you happiness. I know that this is true. Being here for an eternity is much better than the pain I felt while existing without you.
Everything is slowly blurring from my mind. I hope that one day the sickness and lonely desertion will go away. I hope that time heals my wounds. But for now I hope that this day will end soon. I pray for a change. I wish you were here. I need you to make my pain go away. I wish you could caress me in your arms. I walked around the desolate town today. I only saw shadows of where you had been.
Suddenly, I am falling, although I’m not sure as to where I’m going. Things turn from color to black and white. And then, all at once, I feel a sharp pain in my ribs. I realize, then, that I am falling forward onto gray concrete. I scream out “Help” but all I hear are faint voices in the distance. I feel nothing. I see nothing. I hear nothing. Time has passed now, I feel as if I’m a ghost inside my own mind.
Then, out of no where, comes your hand. I know it is yours because your veins are distinct. You have one on the left side of your right hand that protrudes through your skin. Then, I see your eyes, bright & enchanting green with specks of brown in them. I can see the brown now because we’re in the sunlight. The sun gets bigger & the sky becomes bluer. You’re pulling me up from the concrete. I don’t know how or why this is happening. What I do know is that it feels like a dream. Maybe it is. I can’t be sure. But then I feel your hand intertwine with mine & you say “Are you okay, Margaret? I’ve missed you terribly.”
I know that this is all in my head. I know that I’m dead and that you are, as well. I’m happy that the pain is gone, though. I’m glad we’re together once more. I never thought that such a place was real. That the flowers are blooming and the trees are swaying in the gentle breeze. You have my hand and we are walking down this path. I don’t know where we’re going. I do know that it is so beautiful here. To be happy is to be in a place that brings you happiness. I know that this is true. Being here for an eternity is much better than the pain I felt while existing without you.
