i dont understand why i feel the way i do
why at a certain word,
or a certain picture
my heart will seize in my chest
hold my organs in,
bracing itself
only to go forth
and shake and tremble
and perpetually ache
like an old sore not healed

i wonder why i can't stop
digging graves for myself
despite being in a state of bliss
why when theres nothing wrong
i always expect the worst to be right around the corner
and instead of waiting for the worst to come
i make the worst

i guess i was never really patient in the first place