I’m not sure which hurts more, the way you left, or how you did it so easily

I drove to Cincinnati last week to write this at 2am because when I think about you for too long, I get too depressed to fall asleep, and I felt that even though I’d only be an hour closer to you down there, I’d feel better knowing that I was just a little bit closer,
No, I’m not lying when I say that I think about you the same way a semi driver thinks about changing lanes - for a long time, and almost constantly, you’re always in the back of my mind, I’m always wondering what move I should make next, and when I should make it

I fell for you the same way I learned how to ride my first bike, without elbow pads, and recklessly,
And it took me a couple tries, but I never got it, and I still don’t know what I did wrong, but I’m so sorry I could never be enough for you

I wanted to fill up a notebook’s lines with nothing but your name so I could jump into it and live out our best lives, in between the lines, a place where we could have the option to erase whatever we need to, but wouldn’t want to, because everything would already be so perfect

And when you smiled, when you smiled it felt like the sky was so jealous of you,
Like your beauty shined so bright that the sun herself breathed your skin in like oxygen

I wish you would’ve just lied to me, whatever it took to make me feel comfortable

And even beauty has her bad days,
Like roses have thorns,
It kind of just happens, without even being asked,
Kind of the way I fell in love with you, and even your bad,
It just happened, I didn’t even have to ask,
I wonder if I had the chance to, would it have changed anything?
Would you still be here and would I know where I went wrong?

The way you explained at breakfast that if you were an egg, on your bad days, you’d be scrambled,
But on your good days, you told me that you’d be sunny side up,
I always joked about wanting to take all of you and roll you up into an omelette, take the good and the bad, and see how far I could run with it

I thought this love came so easily and naturally, but I was so wrong,
The way I loved you made you feel untouchable and maybe that was part of the problem,
Too much of anything is bad for you, no matter how good you think it is

The way you packed your bags and left, it all felt like it was done so effortlessly, like this is exactly what you were made for, perfectly

I’m not sure which hurts more,
The way you left,
Or how you did it so easily

It’s 4am now in Cincinnati, I’m looking above the skyline, at the moon and the stars, and they aren’t even pretty anymore, they just remind me of your freckles, and I’m telling the river about you, she says she’s jealous,

I think I’m going to drive home now and sleep