i knew that from the moment that i texted you for the first time i would come to love you

i knew that every pen-stroke from then on would be a confession of my love with no remorse. i knew that every ink-filled page would only be about how i couldn't get myself to look away from your eyes and how every word to drip from your lips sounded like Shakespeare's sonnets

it's crazy because i never understood you or your love. i didn't understand why you would never let me in completely and why you would only come back o me after a long night out

what i wanted to understand was why it hurt you to open up. i wanted to know why i couldn't be yours when the sun was out or why you could never fall in love with me

i don't understand why you would look for me in other people, hurting yourself, why not come back home to me where you'd be unharmed and warm. i don't know why you don't want me to be yours

i'm sorry for every night i fell asleep waiting for to come home safely. i'm sorry  for not being beautiful enough for you to be proud of me. i'm sorry for ever making you wait. i'm sorry for not being what you imagined me to be.

but i'm begging you to see past that. see past my frizzy hair and dry skin. see past the uneven melanin and my slightly lazy eye. see past the treads of fat on my abdomen. look past by stutter and thick glasses. see the i want to give you love and refuge and i can give you something to hold on to.