Words cut deeper than this knife through my skin
Words building me up on a pedestal only to knock me down

Words healing the wounds only to make them deeper like a child picking a scab, healing before digging, creating a scar that tells of their past.

Scars are my trophies
I survived with these wounds
Battles I have lost, this war I am fighting

Every yell, a sword through my already shattered heart

Words cut through me deeper and deeper

Why do others make me feel this way
That no matter what I do I can never be enough for anyone

I lie every day, my smile, my thoughts, my actions

The only thing that allows me to be myself is my art, the darkness hung in my room, hidden in drawers, thoughts tucked in my mind

No matter what I do everyone looks at me scared

Of what?

What I could do?
What I can do?

I try every day to be the little girl everyone once knew

The one who smiled everyday

The one that could cheer everyone up

Today my smile is fake
I want people to know, but I don’t

I deserve everything that has and will happen

I deserve my pain, to be alone, to watch everyone breathe as I sink deeper into this ocean of worry, pain, and sadness

My hand waits to be held to bring me to the surface, helping me to breathe

My lungs burn, burn for love, to be noticed

But I know

I don’t deserve happiness, love, attention, this home, this bed, this luxury, this life

No matter how much I tell myself I will never be enough, I know I am selfish

What’s wrong with me, is nothing compared to those kicked from their homes, disowned by family

The want to help is strong, but how can I help others when I must help myself first?

All I think about is helping others, putting myself at the very bottom of the list

Save everyone, myself not included

I’m like the new toy that everyone wants at first but when they get bored I’m thrown out and forgotten under the bed with these monsters

I’ve got the looks of a human girl, I’ve got the soul

Batteries not included

My heart is slowly dying, my last breath wasted on asking myself what I did wrong

Could I do better?

Can I change so that I can be accepted into this life where no matter what I do

I’m wrong

I dress up, I must want attention

I put on sweatpants, I am lazy

I feel confident enough to wear shorts that lay on my thighs, I’m a ****

I cover up my body, something must be hidden

They say you’re beautiful no matter what, only to say you are anything but

I’m trapped in my own skin, screaming for help as my mind and heart pull away

Scars on my skin are all I have left to show my pain, too numb to speak

My tears dried up

My words stuck in my throat

Thoughts on paper

Pictures, on my skin

Once pure, now suffocating by screaming demons, dragging me to my personal hell

I have no Angel to save me, no savior

I push everyone away so they cannot see my horrid mind

Fear, life, nightmares

Afraid of my demons

That they’re dragged down with me for those who stay

Terrified that demons will be awaken

I cannot let others suffer to save me

Images of the once joyful faces, frown at the thought of being happy

No one should want to feel pain because they have gone numb

The ones I love shouldn’t go through what I have done

Only voices that beat me down are my own

And yet

I stand

I need to show that I can be strong in these times

I will hold myself up

Though I have lost battles I will win the war

I gave into my demons but I am pulling myself up from my burning desires

Finally able to breathe I can see my future

I see I can be happy

My scars are just a chapter

I’m still writing this story

My head held high

Only I can control what is to come next

I will fight for others

I will pick up those who have fallen

I am only human

I will fall, break, bleed, fall apart

I will have my bad days and I will have my good

I will fight

I will win

I am only human