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Jan 2018
I am filled with a hatred,
A constant stream of negative thoughts drown my head.

I am suffocating under the weight of my loathing,
A river of pain where im floating.

I feel as if I'm cursed,
The happiness and love from others feels rehearsed.

I am a doll of broken dreams,
Empty and falling apart at the seams.

I am hanging by a thread everyday,
Walking a thin rope to avoid all this pain.

I stare into the distance within a shelter of myself,
Never moving as i hide in my shell.

There are good days,
I hate that I'm numb on a very great day.

I'm either numb or in pain,
The happiness comes as frequent as a desert's rain.

Maybe im selfish,
Maybe im just helpless.

I get swallowed in fear when talking to people,
My thoughts dealing hits blow after blow.

I can't tell people that i love my feelings,
They'll just say it's nothing.

I'm suffocating inside myself,
The things I love doing doesn't help.

What's going on with me?
That question is only answered in theories.

If I go,
They'll know.

I can't take the pity,
I don't want their fury.

I hate it!
I hate all this ****!

I hate it
Hate it


I hate feeling like this,
I want a way out of this
I want to be free of this hell,

I want to love myself.
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