i wonder what it feels like to be devastated
completely immersed in grief
tears falling to the floor
in a steady beat to the song of irregular hiccups and cries
weaving quietly through silence
or mixed and lost as a crowd mourns together

i wonder what it feels like to be ecstatic
drowning in warmth and
smiling so hard your cheeks hurt
giggles spilling from an upturned mouth
smiling not from necessity
but from pure joy

i wonder what it feels like to be enraged
bright red blinding previously-clear vision
fingernails digging white crescent moons into pink palms
mind clear and focused but with emotion instead of facts
reckless endangerment
needed for revenge

i wonder what it feels like
to feel something other than
these carbon copies of emotions
for i can feel
but it does not affect my soul
and the emotions feel blurry
counterfeit portraits of
what should be there