What am I?

Well…
I can tell you what I’m not.

I’m not popular
I’m not funny
Nobody likes me

I’m not cool
I’m clumsy
I’m huge…

I’m fat
Not skinny
I drown myself in food

It tastes so good
When people’s words taste so bad

What else can I do?
It’s my only comfort
It’s my only friend
I shovel
    Shovel
       Shovel
The tasty sugary, salty, buttery goodness into my mouth
It’s my safe place

Until

My delicious heaven turns into a guilty hell
I realize my error
The food is the cause
It adds on to my suffering
People are starting to notice

So what do I do?

I eliminate it completely
I ignore my needs
I deny my suffering

Why?

Because someone actually called me beautiful
So I keep going

Trips to the doctor grow in size
They have my cure
It will surely be my downfall
I’ll return to where I was before
I ignore their words

Why?

To keep my crisp jawline
My flat stomach
My skinny legs
My stick arms
Because this is beautiful

I keep going

I walk miles on end
My crackling lips are thirsty
However my mind is thirstier
To get that beach body
But I can’t do that
If I don’t put anything in

You can see my bones
My hair is brittle
I can’t breathe
I’m absent from school
I’m dying…

But I can’t see it
I don't want to see it
This... is beautiful
I’m glowing
But I can no longer look in the mirror
I’m still not good enough
I have to be perfect

I keep going

Until I can't anymore
I can't get out of bed
I can only carry one binder in my backpack
I have to stop
I need to stop
But it's impossible on my own

I get help

And here I am
Telling my story

People love me
People care
Those who don't, don't matter
I have style
I’m talented
I'm beautiful on my own
Without my poison