dear best friend,
i love you.
i love your too-loud laughs and crinkled eyes
i love your freckles that come in twos,
i love that you never get pedicures because you hate it when people touch your feet.
i love that you embrace my lover like your own
bearing gifts and sweet touches
which i hate
but i still love you.
i love that you can still make me laugh
even when you cry,
i love that you stop crying when i cry.
i love the blind rage you have towards anyone who crosses me,
i love that you live so vicariously through me
that my happiness comes above your own.
i love that you selflessly give me your everything.
i’m sorry for being silent
i’m sorry for being gone
i’m sorry for being sad
i’m sorry for leaving you lonely
i’m sorry
this is my worst nightmare.

dear best friend,
dear best friend,
dear best friend,
dear best friend,
dead best friend,