January 6th 2017

Just as I was about to say “I love you”
he asks me to get something from the ground
I had to blink twice
to understand what I had found

As I look under his bed now
I see an empty ****** wrapper
my heart didn’t make a sound

I know he is sleeping around now and I can’t bear to figure out why or how
what did I not do that wasn’t good enough?
to make him want to make me drown

As tears fell down my face
he slept
with his arms around my waist
I wanted to make the pain just go away
to save just one more day

Then he asked me “what’s wrong?”
I choked
So I hugged him and barely let go
Knowing that this was our last goodbye
thinking
I still love you
But right now
I don’t know why

The day my heart broke