it hurt too much to bear

i feel for a blade
hidden in a trusted place

i felt it on my wrist
cold and sharp
thirsty

i feel my tongue under my fingertips
as i went deeper
purging

i felt both my hands
knuckles deep in my hair
pulling

then i felt nothing

nothing but a stinging wrist
a burning throat
and a sore scalp

but at least my soul was numb

for now.