Ah, another year has passed.
2017 was arduous. It was also compelling and inconsistent.
It's the year I turned 21- a turn of life.
I was stuck between two personas- who I was and who I am now.
They kept fighting on who was right.
But who was right always won.
And the loser had to be left behind.

2017 was the year I became a pirate.
A pirate who discovered her treasures. I became wealthy!
I found ideas, answers, self-knowledge, and understanding.
But I also found junk. It terrorized me.
I found sadness, anxiety, doubt, shame, grief and fear.
It drove me mad. Like, really mad.
And I'm still figuring my way out.

2017 also dressed up as someone.
A man in a white coat with a stern face;
Demanding, intimidating, convincing.
A man who kept talking about striving to be finer than I was.
But isn't that what we all want?
To be finer, exquisite, laudable?
We continue to strive to do the unthinkable.
Even if we kind of loose grip on reality.
Even if we have to lie and say awful things.
Even if at the end of the day, we lie down and ask, "Was it worth it?"

2017 allowed me to meet great people.
People who reminded me that I am still young.
That everything I have now will soon change into something else.
That it's okay to bow my head when things get rough.
That God hears all prayers.
That I should embrace my parents in a tight hug and make them feel loved.
That confusion will always find its solution.
That it's okay to cease communication.
That I should appreciate my unique personality.
That kindness will always be the best choice.
That death is inevitable. We will all die.
That you can never have it all.
That respect is earned and not demanded.
That I should occasionally write about how I feel.
That education is life.
That sadness will always end.
That happiness doesn't last.
That life's not fair.
That sometimes it doesn't get better.
That sometimes it does get better.