trying to survive my 20's
i try so hard to forget
everything my eyes have seen
and everything i've ever said

there's no way to tell what's real
when i think back it's all a blur
i try so hard not (to feel
every day) and every word

disconnection from myself
and the reality i've created
and the girl i try to sell
and the things that i've hated

for every thing i've loved
has left me so aware
of who i am the lonesome dove
with tired wings (to tear

a part) of my existence
made most sense to me
now i worry i wasted
the years that i was free

(you) want from me transparency
of which i cannot give
when i look inward the girl i see
is a mystery of wind

how can i explain i'm a ghost
of who you think i am
you love her most
you should have (ran

from me) i have a gift
you're not the only fooled
all the words along my lips
are all survival tools

a creature born from loss
i know nothing else
but to rise (from chaos)
no matter the expense

i wonder how much longer
i can not **** myself
subject to this torture
do i belong among the angels
or in the depths of hell