When all is said and done
And I'm tucked into the blanket fort alone
I think of you

And I think if only I could write
The perfect love poem
The most perfect love poem
Then finally
I could reach you

Maybe
If I learned to write
I could show you how
I see you
And how everything about you is
Beautiful

Things are so hard right now

I

t r y


t  o



g   i   v  e





y    o    u






s      p      a      c      e





But

I

miss

you

...

Today I fell asleep dreaming of you
And
Then
****. 11:30
And I
Rushed rushed rushed rushed rushed
Nearly falling down
To get to
my phone
To get back
to
you

And my heart
Sank when I
I saw that
you were
crying
alone
;_;

You thought I didn't care
You thought I was punishing you
You thought I was teaching you a lesson
You thought I was like all the others that hurt you

But did you know how I cradled my phone all day?
Hoping against hope you might ask me to go to you?

Did you know how many times I looked at your pictures?
And fantasized about sitting outside your door just in case you woke up and missed me?

How my heart
And my lips
And my tears
Lingered on the last happy emoji you sent?

Did you know it was at 3:57pm on Friday and that it looked like this?
[emoji][emoji]

Did you know how many times I thought of you while you were sleeping?
How much I wanted to hold you in my arms
and breathe with you quietly
so you would know you were loved?

Did you know how devastating it was
To wake
And find I'd
disappointed, hurt
and lost more of your trust
while I wasn't even conscious?

These walls...
The emotional ones
The lock on your front gate
The force field around your room
This distance between us
The imagined sleights
The miles
They are
not us

We are us
When we're together
When we intertwine our fingers
When we share silly stories
When we play and laugh
When we sing...
When we live
and grow
and learn
together

I
haven't
seen
you
for
four
days
now.

They've been so empty without you
Every day without you is the
loneliest

But I hold myself at night
And cry my tears
put on a smile
so you'll think
that I'm okay
Because
If you think
I'm sad there
might be
more
walls

or

m o r e

d  i   s   t   a   n   c   e

and

I'm


dying



watching  




y o u





s  l  i  p






a    w    a    y   .    .    .