sometimes it was only a suggestion,
disappointed glances when I say I don't know if I can

sometimes it was a knife up against my thigh, my only hope holding still and doing as you say

sometimes it was pretending to pass out so you would stop choking me

but sometimes it was only a feeling
a feeling I could ignore

for a second this is real
passionate, it feels good

and it doesn't hurt me

only for a second

but
those kind gentle eyes turn black and mean

and sweet and kind smiles turn into snarling dog bites

I don't know if I like it or not

but this feeling when I turn it down

guilt, shame, I couldn't say

all I know is
you don't have to worry

my body is just flesh
and my blood is just red

and 'no' is just a word