Dec 2017
My days would begin and end in bed.
I would not have the strength to go on with life.
I would not cry, I would be in too much pain to cry.
I would not eat, I would be in too much pain to eat.
I would not sleep, for my thoughts would consume my mind to the point where I could not shut them off.
I would not speak, nor feel. I numb myself.
I would be broken.
I would be lost.
You have been in my life for such a short time that these ideas are not justifiable,
but they are real.
And I would not "go to your funeral"
I would be in too much pain.
I would not be able to see all those people who love you missing you.
Because I could not bear missing you that much more.
I would not be able to bear the fact that when they reminisce about your life I would not be mentioned.
Because I was a dot on your line of life,
While you were my entire line.
I would not have the strength to go on with life.
I would not cry, I would be in too much pain to cry.
I would not eat, I would be in too much pain to eat.
I would not sleep, for my thoughts would consume my mind to the point where I could not shut them off.
I would not speak, nor feel. I numb myself.
I would be broken.
I would be lost.
You have been in my life for such a short time that these ideas are not justifiable,
but they are real.
And I would not "go to your funeral"
I would be in too much pain.
I would not be able to see all those people who love you missing you.
Because I could not bear missing you that much more.
I would not be able to bear the fact that when they reminisce about your life I would not be mentioned.
Because I was a dot on your line of life,
While you were my entire line.
Do you remember Thanksgiving night when we were lying on my couch at 2am, nobody was home but us, and you asked me what I would do if you died? And do you remember my answer? I laughed and said "I would go to your funeral", trying to hide how much I actually cared. I changed my answer. So here is the revised version.
