this isn't really something i know how to express.

how do you put into words something you can't touch?
how do you put into words
the thousand-pound weight on your chest
like a truck slamming into you in the middle of the day
knocking the air from your lungs
leaving you sitting dazed on the sidewalk?
how do you explain
that even when the pain lessens it's still a ten-pound weight
heavy enough to let the ache be felt?

how can i tell you straight up
that this ache sharpens itself into a needle on bad days
and strikes me right through the heart
so that even breathing hurts too much?
how can i make you see, make you understand
that my biggest fear is myself?

they say you will only know a man if you walk a mile in his moccasins but
how can i pull you into the darkness
to stand by my side, to scream when i scream, to feel what i feel?
how can you ever hope to understand
a life you yourself do not live?

you still can't understand.

can't you see, neither can i?