Every time around this month I get upset.
Not that it was your fault or anything,
but it was at the same time.

Every time around this month I can't wait for it to be over.
There's just too much that was lost.
Not that I was a miracle, because I was, but again, I wasn't.

I just get upset. Not the sad upset.
It's an angry upset.

But why'd you have to go so soon though?
You didn't even make it until Christmas.
I was only thirteen....
I was just getting into the 8th grade....

You said you wouldn't die. You noticed something was wrong and you asked.
At first I said I was fine and continued watching you and Zach play the game.
But you stopped playing because you saw my lip quiver and you asked again.

I couldn't look at you...
I didn't say anything until after I realized I was grasping you with dear life and sobbing so hard, that the air was burning my throat.
You asked me one last time what was wrong.

As I said, choking on air and sobs, "I don't want you to die."
...I always wondered why you laughed a little when I said that...
You gently pushed me off a little and smiled at me, "I'm not going to die."

I have never cried so hard in front of my dad, or my aunts before...I haven't even cried that hard in front of my siblings.

"I'm not going to die," huh?...
Then where'd you go, Dad....
Did you go on a road trip, just hoping you'd come across me to say how much you've missed me?...

All those "I'm so sorry for your loss." sentences mean nothing anymore.
I just shake their hands, give a smile, and say, "Thank you."
But sorry won't bring you back...
Sorry? Sorry isn't going to call my phone and I'm not going to hear your voice saying, "I'm sorry I kept you waiting."

I need you, Dad.
What am I going to do without you?
I know its almost been 5 years, but I can't do this alone!
I miss you so much and it hurts..

I just can't do this anymore, Dad..
I need you....
...Where are you.....?