words are not my friends
i lay here trying to connect every feeling in my body to a word
these nebulous clouds of gray
they must connect somewhere in my brain
to words
no?
i focus on the pain in my arms and try to give it a name as it slithers its way through my veins
nameless
i remember that i almost died one day
would words still mean nothing if i was gone and grey
decomposed in the dirt
maybe the words would catch me then
whisper in my ear
there was pain you felt back then
let me explain to you the name of each one
each kind of pain
categorized in a helpful list just for you
do the dead know words in letters that we cannot fathom?
do the rested have their own words in their own hues?
i don’t know but it isn’t worth finding out
even if words are shared with the dead
words are for the living
that doesn’t even need to be said
so for now i lay here still
baking in my own heat
covered in clouds of different colors from my head to my feet
and right now there are no words
and that’s okay
words do not need to be my friends today
we can try again tomorrow or next week
i will always be here
always accepting
never rejecting
waiting for words to crawl to my feet