I wanted to drain all of my blood on these blank pages

because it all felt outrageous

I wanted to rip out all of the fat on body to make myself happy

and scrap down to the point where I can only feel my bones cracking

I wanted to cut my hair to feel something new

and get a different view

I wanted to tear my room apart

and create a new format

I wanted this desire to gather my memories of you and shred them into thin air

because obviously, you didn't care enough for it to happen

I wanted to end it right there and then

but that’s letting you win