We sat around a fire
As the mermaids heads glowed
Hearing stories of deep nostalgia
While mama whimpered for a time
That bares no repeating
Because though we can repeat the past
We can't go back in time
To who or what we once were.

It is painful to think on this
In a way where I could write it into words
So there is a certain kind of quiet clenching
I can feel myself doing
In order to try and get some of it out
But with self preservation.

I'm going to Austria
I've marked dates
I've made plans
I got some rest at long last
I'll never forget the image of my father crying
Or my mother throwing glass
As I stood between them
And where I thought we were.

A metaphorical picket fence
It's surrounded me throughout all of my girlhood
Sometimes I think I'm just a young idiot
Scrapping by
With a mighty wind
Like I think I'm so special
But I know there is a deep kindness
And humility within me
I take refuge in that.

Running around outside
As the sun shone down
Its all so hard to process right now
I just want to be okay
I want everyone to be more than okay.