I lay here staring at my ceiling,
Thinking what have I done?
Could I really let this happen?
To me to us?
You made me cry not purposely
it just happened sort of like us.
Tears keep falling
as I listen to myself and while you also talk.
I'm a mess and there's no way to fix me.
You tore me apart  as
You've shattered my heart,
I want to be everything to you
like you are to me,
I want you to never  
let me go and keep me in your arms,
with you is where I belong.
Yet You've left me in tears as
I realize what this is between us  isn't fair,
its not right
but its
OK no matter long as  you stay,
don't go because then you take away
all that we are all that we've become.
Papi
I know I can have anyone
but the one person I want is you,
It wasn't your fault.
I guess it was me,
No I'm sure it's because of me.
See I know our love can't be forced
& what happen to us wasn't by choice,
we meet at the wrong time  
and at the wrong place
but look how much better we are because of it.
This  that we now share.
Perhaps we weren't meant to be yeah right that's  such a cliche,
Because we are meant to be,
like when God mad Eve for Adam,
She invented me for you,
I'm your rib papi,
I'm your mate for life our souls have be in contact
even before you or I ever laid  our eyes  on the other.
It still doesn't seem to help,
Because I know that no matter how this story unfolds
we have to think of  what's best for everyone involved
and right now I'm being selfish
and You even said
"Baby your not making  sense".
I know I'm not.
That's the other part of  my problem,
since I fell for you the way
I did nothing makes any sense.
Now that I know you  love me
I don't want to loose it,
The love that we have.
Your a great man,
A wonderful friend.
What do I do with out all that we once shared?
I try so hard and for so long now
I've fought myself
and to me my thinking's all wrong.
I say let it end
because with this situation there's
no one that's gonna win.
There is no positive out come in this.
You say it wont last this pain  
I placed my self in.
I tried  over and over to close my heart,
but again  I fall so got **** hard,
what have you done to me
because for some reason
my heart won't let go
& my mind just keep holding on to.
My soul wont let me be,
and my spirit screams your name
as tears fall down my face.
I've tried more than
once to get over you
but you unintentionally
make it so hard.
I thought love was joy
but I've got nothing to gain
**** that I have everything to loose.
For now it's  just sorrows,
tears and more pain as day by day
I see the changes in me the way we used to be.
I open my heart to you,
So un-use to a Man like you,
I am still willing to make a mends
and take that chance with you.
*** if only you knew,
But will you ever truly know,
Can't you guess
I'm a wreck with or without You
and its ME not you that doing all of this,
I play mind tricks with
myself because I'm scared,
I'm affaid to even give more of me away,
Yet I give unconditionally to you,
even when I try so hard not to.
See for me the the day the pain started was when
reality came knocking.
It was the day I realized,
How important you are
and what it really means
not to have you in my life.
it truly scares the hell outta me
to think or even come close to believe that
I'LL NEVER BE WITH YOU AGAIN!
And that's
Something I just can't live with.
(so I wont.)
Always Me Ayeshah