These many experiences so much lost and the regret
To push love past the point of a bet
Your love can’t compare nothing to the average
Too much on my mind, in my head I hold baggage
The thoughts of the first time I ever loved
The first time I truly used my heart
Broke me down to the bone, never knowing how to start
Never knowing how to explain, I didn’t know how to love
But for you I would never put no one above
How do I explain, a love that’s stronger than a friendship
A love that’s stronger than the love for someone so ordinary
Your love felt so magically, it was so imaginary
Never temporary, the thoughts of it forever lasting
To my heart I held the pain
But in my mind I felt the blasting
I felt the pain that I couldn’t imagine physically
Tell me what did I do for you to be so into me
What did you do for me to be so stuck on you
Just to lay, just to kiss, just the gentle feel of your lips
How the hell did I fall so hard with just one kiss
With just one time, just one night, just so many emotions gathered
But to get rid of your love my heart just shattered
This is beyond love, beyond lust, I was just stuck
To say that I love you and that you’ll never trust
My heart you couldn’t look into, you just didn’t see where you went wrong
I used to long for your love once again
Just to hear your voice on the phone
Life’s crazy and comes with so many things we don’t expect
I gave my whole life dedicated to you in return for nothing left
I had nothing left, I put everything on the line, just to get your heart back
Unable to breathe, unable to speak, much like a heart attack
Much like a heart ache, a tummy ache, it felt so heavy
My love so strong, the weakest moments made me feel so crazy
2 years of mourning, 2 years of wishing for better
The bruise struck me deep
Never thought I could get better
I never imagined the days where I could stop the insane thoughts
The insane placed my mind took me
Your love wrapped around my mind and hooked me
So much sympathy, felt like I loved you so much
Even when I wanted to let go it felt like my heart would crush
Now these thoughts seem to be a reminder, a reminder
Never to put your heart past the point of return
You get what you give, so I never got nothing in return
I gave you sadness with a mixture of only the things I knew
In my mind I loved you so much, but I never deserved you
It was too fast, the process should have been slower
The process should have been in steps
I felt sadder than I ever had when I had less
You felt so high up, you felt like someone only within dreams
And to realize even the greatest things aren’t as good as it seems
You can pretend to be happy but it’ll never compare to the true feeling
Your love brought me faith and all your heart needed was healing
So many apologies, so many things I told myself I would never say
But your love has too much of a hold on me
You told me you was here to stay
I thought that meant through whatever
I thought that was through the worst
But to realize you couldn’t stay if I did wrong and put you through a hurt
If I put you past your breaking point, then you could never return
And if I was to ever lose you, then I would finally learn
I would finally change my ways, that I would finally grow
And that I would eventually know how to love
But in order to get past the process, I had to feel the same hurt
The same crushed feeling
The same sad cries
To see how it felt to be fed all these lies
Karma comes and lessons are learned
If you do wrong, the process will be long learned
To fix your broken heart the love you will have to earn
And if I found your love I know it would be hard
I would never make my way in
Cause the thoughts that run through my head aren’t well thought out
I’m so wrapped up in so many memories, I don’t know how to think things out
I got to react the right way and from the past I can’t return back to you
If I would of waited instead of rushed
If I was to slow down and give you time
Things would have been better and I would never have to lie
Love is a strong feeling, it’s the hardest feeling to over come
No matter how much I say I’m done my heart will forever feel numb
So dumb to the fact that I didn’t know how to feel without your love
Not smart enough to move past and regain enough
I couldn’t stop the thoughts
I couldn’t stop my mind from wondering
In a soul so sacred, I always seemed to keep plundering
I didn’t know how to say the words without being so blunt
I didn’t know how to explain without being so open
Your love came with damage and I never seemed to consider that you wasn’t ready
You wasn’t ready to speak I just cared about one thing
The one thing you wasn’t sure about
The ***, was never my thoughts
Just to give you quality time and never over talk or pout
To move past, to stop being stubborn to realize I can’t just sit here and ruin
Told myself what the hell are you doing
Why won’t you let go, why are you so stuck in this phase
Just the thought of a possibility of your love I went straight for it
I went out of all means to achieve
But you had the opposite reaction, and told me to leave
You told me to just move on
And I thought maybe I could heal if I left you alone
I was too scared to let you go, too afraid of someone loving you better than I did
But the stingy thoughts put me in the mindset of a kid
It put me in the mindset to be selfish and that thought of you not achieving happiness
So tell me what’s a long relationship without the stages of sadness
It takes a lot of work, it takes time and patience
But I never realized that, so in my head I went crazy
My thought process was lazy, trying to find loopholes, the easiest way out
But I found you, yet you found me and I found a way out
I found love and the quickest moment I lost it
So tell me if your love was so great
How the hell did I find a way to be without it
Trials and tribulations, these are just the thoughts of the strong lover
Never to compare my first love to such a distant lover