I wake up every morning
i look in the mirror
and i hate what i see
I put on some makeup
feeling like it will make me look pretty.
you know, less ugly.
I go to my closet and look
for the darkest thing to wear.
black long sleeve shirt to hide my nasty scars,
black leggings or black velvet sweats,
before even putting my clothes on
i look for my rubber waistbands to hide
my disgusting fat cause,,who the **** wants to see that?!
i look around the messy room and pick up my bag
i shove anything in it notebooks/papers/ my journal
then i take a deep breath,
i look myself in the mirror in disgust while zipping up
my black sweater.
on my way to school i think about the worst **** that could happen.
"am i gonna get picked on?"
"are people gonna **** with me to get a rise out of me"
"is today gonna be bad in general?"
as i enter the school i see that i'm really late,
i sigh and i get my late pass.
i put my hood on and keep my earbuds in,
i dont want no one to talk to me,
i dont want to be greeted.
just go the **** away.
a simple 'hello' will ruin my day.
As i walk to my class i pass all these pretty, flawless girls.
i get insecure and i compare myself to them.
I think "why the **** am i so ugly?'
"why am i so stupid and have really **** grades?"
Through out the whole day i dont do my work, i sit in a desk, i look at the floor, or the door then up at the clock.
"can this day go by any faster?"
When school is over i run out the doors, not wanting to stop
to say hi to anyone, i just leave,
when i arrive at my house i quickly run up the stairs
and rush in,
i drop my bag, go to my room, and boom.
i jump and hide under the covers
thanking god the day for me is over then i drift to sleep hoping i don't wake up.