make the pain go away -
by any means possible -
because my bed is forever indented with the shape of my hurting body -
and i don't remember the last time
i opened my curtains.

but i do remember
when you held me tight -
and crushed me to your chest.
or when you buried your face
in my neck
and left it stained with warm tears.

i want to remember how much
you really cared for me -
but it gets more difficult with every passing hour.

memories don't just dissolve into thin air -
i must unwrap the tendrils of fear that have made a home in my mind.
maybe i'm afraid of remembering -
because i know better than to believe -
that forgetting is possible.