I feel so alone
This bed is a desert wasteland
Constantly waiting
Watching myself as I fade away
Leaving is not the answer
While I want to run, scream, or die...
I know I will not.
I made promises, but none so binding as this
"May the Lord deal with me be it ever so severely if anything but death seperates you from me"
Let me check...
while it may feel like it,
I am not dead.
While you are hurting and losing grip,
your heart still beats strong.
Though I am not yet dead and you still live, you are asking me to leave.
Which is worse?
Do I break that solemn vow or listen helplessly as you tell me that my staying is breaking you apart?
Why is leaving this so much easier than continuing to fight for us?
How can I be alone in wanting our marriage to even make it to a year?
Who will be the father to the children that I am supposed to bring into this world?
Where am I even supposed to find the strength to keep this heart beating.
A year ago we had barely begun and now look at us...both barely breathing.
How did this happen?
I miss you and so now I lie here alone...with the light on...with the fan going...and the bedroom door wide open.
Please wake me from this nightmare as it is the worst I have ever had.