Today I felt sad at 5am I wanted to tell you The birds were beginning to shout And the rising temperature of the sky Matched that of my blood As I felt myself cooking, stewing, Gazing at the endless galaxies out there Now invisible in this light trap.
Condensation dripped down the inside of the window, From my nose pressed against the cold glass But I made sure the sigh I exhaled didn't disturb the contents of this tiny box- The door says 'do not disturb' - And then I held my breath Until the dust had once again settled, A little thicker than before.
I tried to make myself dream I thought up an expansive meadow, Sat just at the top of a cliff The grass greener than anything else The sun dancing gently atop the wildflowers And I imagined taking your hand- running, screaming, laughing- I imagined happier reasons For my uncontrollable heartbeat, my rapid breaths, the clammy sweat, Despite the fact that I'm actually shivering, swaddled tight under two heavy blankets.
I buried my face in the cushions And turned on a light to ward off the dark I put on headphones to mask the silence and the pounding screams Of the tiny birds keeping residence outside my window. If I had my own way I'd drown them out with my own song The pounding of my dancing heels Keeping time with the waves in my head To fill this empty room
I wanted to tell you But right now, you're somewhere else Asleep as you should be I tried to curl tighter To ward off each stab of a high-pitched whistle I made mental notes of songs I could sing you Once I've escaped these walls.
Until then, tell those warblers to go taunt somebody else.
and in the meantime I'm just going to have to trust that I'll end up back in your arms, your beating heart a shield to the arrows which pierce mine upon each beat