what hurts the most is when somebody who meant the most to you, left you. being in the boat where both of you promised to survive the waves together, help each other to save whatever is drifting away. as you go through the hardship together, you tend to remember all the details about the other person and you’ll only realize that awesome memorisation of yours – how you actually remembered most of what had happened - once they’re gone. and sadly, i am a person of long-term memory, i can’t remember your favourite song title you told me last night, i can’t remember that beautiful phrase of yours that you spoke to me the other day, i can’t. i hate that. so what i realize is that you will never cherish what is in front of you. once you had her, you thought you had the world. you took advantage of what she has and once you’re done, once you’ve had enough, you just leave like nothing has happened – i am profoundly perplexed. i am struggling so hard to forget all the tiny pieces you left me to hold on with. i wish i had the opportunity to run from it as much as you do. i wish i can just run and leave whatever is bringing me down behind and not face it anymore and go on with life like nothing ever happened. you left me here in your past and i still cannot do anything to resolve it. it was hanging and i still couldn’t find the logic to what actually happened. i’m pretty sure you think i’m a fool for not being able to move on with whatever happened, but i can’t. you might think i’m stupid for not being able to forget, but i am trying my hardest. i don’t want to find a cure within another person, i want to find my self-worth within myself – not any other boy. i want to stop depending on boys to make me happy. i want to be happy, because i’m happy. just, leave me alone.