I’m not going to lie.
I’m making this up as I go.
That’s what I seem to be doing a lot lately.
“Winging it”

I had a thought today however, that’s another thing I do a lot of.
Thinking.
Thinking too much really.
And then thinking about the fact that I probably think far too much.

I suppose this is where it starts,
In my mind.
You see, he said something to me and it started as a tiny thought.

Just a whisper at the very back of my subconscious.

And somehow it turned into a tidal wave, drowning every happy thought that came before.

That one little thing that he said.
I can’t imagine he could ever have fathomed the chaos that followed those four little words.

But I seem to be prone to twisting and turning a word, a sentence, a conversation.
Spinning it into a lie that quietly breaks my heart.

And he will never know.
He will never understand.
How such a small sentence caused an entire mind to fold in on itself and give in to hours of sobbing.

It’s a strange thing.
To feel something so relentlessly, to allow it to destroy something so beautiful and new.
Recognising your own self as irrational and yet giving in to that one small thought and almost encouraging the destruction.

Well, here I am.
Alone.
Staring with burning eyes at the remnants of the storm.

And those four words still won’t leave my mind.