i cannot help but be jealous of those who are my age and doing great things; it has gotten so bad that i begin to dislike these people, though they have done nothing wrong to me or anyone else.

on another note, i am constantly getting the feeling that i am wasting my life. is this normal? no matter what i do, whether i complete meaningless tasks or important ones, when i spend hours watching a tv show or hours practicing a sport i’ll never be great at, i am hindered by the thought that i could be doing something better with myself.

i think i am feeling worse than usual. life has been a daze recently, and only now is it catching up to me. what will i do? sit back, relax, and watch the world crumble? or should i take the horse by the reigns and fight back against everything i’ve been taught?

either one i choose will be regretted in later life. so i suppose i should pick the one that i’ll regret less, though i wonder if i will live long enough to see the day where i am able to finally decide.