THE FOIL

He hurt me

The pain was bad

So bad it was excruciating and left me wanting  to return him the favor

Even if it was at least a figment of all the pain he had caused this frail heart

So I started to scheme

I began to plot and I gave it a theme

A theme of revenge

I would reverse time, I planned

I would take him back to 1983

Where I happened at the Russian Vostok Station

I called subterfuge

Asking her to be my refuge

On this chivalry quest

I welcomed him back into my home

And did all that I had done when I had loved him

Only this time I did even more

With a burning desire his heart to freeze

This surely my pain would ease

I thought to myself

After all, that’s what he had done to mine

So I acted like all was fine

Better than it had ever been

I cooked him dinner

A three course every time

I never asked him for flowers or for a dime

I wasn't fazed when he stayed out too late

I just went about pretending to love him

And with such pretense came my fate

A fate once I came to understand I would love to hate

Days turned into weeks

And the weeks became months

It was just a game of revenge

Nothing was going to change my mind

I was a vulture, out to scavenge

Or so I presumed.

As time passed,

I didn’t have to make a conscious effort to pretend

I was slowly becoming all I was pretending to be

I gasped and fear gripped me at the realization

I was a creature of habit

Usain Bolt when it came to running in circles

Here I was back to where it all began

Back to doing that which had gotten this senseless heart broken

With every intent to please

The person whose carcass I had hoped on to feed

I was “She-lock”

I yearned for a pound of his flesh or maybe just a little more

But I had failed like I did the time before

I had become everything I was pretending to be

I had repeatedly caught myself sabotaging this mission

I waltz gleefully as I make his dinner

I find myself deserted by sleep on those nights he came home late from work

I had butterflies whenever I heard him call my name

I had lost once again

I, in desperate hope had fought another losing game

I had fallen, fallen not just so hard but this time I had fallen in too deep

How could I betray myself?

How could I let him defeat me once again?

I had fallen in love with him again

And sadly this time around, he was also stupidly in love with me.

All my plans have been trounced

I never planned to surrender but I have been shackled by the chains of love,

The only soft spot my heart has for his…




#roadtorecovery
#everythingipretendtobe
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