I try very hard to get you off my mind
Today
I was looking at old videos
And I found you
Again
And again
And I felt happy
I felt so so happy for myself to have had those feelings for someone else
The feelings I only dream about having now
The feelings I only see other people having
And it makes me furious
Not at anyone else but me
What was I doing?
Why did I have such a big ******* wall up with you
Why didn’t i just let myself be happy
Why didn’t I fight for us
Like you fought for me
Why did I take it for granted
I think about this all the time
How could it have been so good
How could you have been so good to me
And yet
I wasn’t able to put one foot forward for what we had
Why did I crash and burn as soon as things got a little difficult
Why was I so weak with you
When I know I am one of the strongest people
I think about this
And I can never find a solid answer
Because there isn’t one
Because love trumps any of the other insecurities I had when I was with you
And I couldn’t see that
And now it’s too late
And I miss you.